Most sex workers lead a double life.
They hide their sex work from most of the people they know.
Like them, I also hide my sex work from most of the people in my daily life.
Unlike most of them, I have THREE identities to maintain.
One is Hallelujah Annie, of course. Your friendly, neighbourhood massage goddess!
Then there is my square life identity where I am mostly called "Mom."
But I also have a third identity. Annie, the former stripper who is an activist for sex worker's rights.
All my family and friends know about that Annie.
She came out of the closet years ago.
But stripping carries much less stigma than contact sex work.
I have felt the need to keep my massage work to myself and a select few people I trust.
However, I am not ashamed of what I do.
I wish I could be completely out of the closet about all my work.
Unfortunately, that would affect my children.
I've learned from experience that parents don't want their kids hanging out with the kids of sex workers.
It doesn't matter that I am the most normal mom you could meet!
Well, maybe not normal. I mean... I am the coolest, most easy-going, loving, interactive mom I can possibly be!
Friends of my children often say they wish they had parents like me. And my kids are truly incredible people who are kicking ass at life.
And yet, if their friend's parents knew about my work, my kids would be ostracized.
I often volunteer for organizations and clubs that I belong to.
But I always wonder... would they nominate me for this position if they knew what I do for work? Will they ask me to step down if they find out?
About 10 years ago, overnight, my face appeared on the front pages of newspapers and was blasted across the Internet when a prominent cancer organization refused to accept a donation from a fundraiser I organized.
In a matter of 24 hours, all my kid's friend's parents knew that I was a stripper.
Their teachers knew. Their Principal knew. All my family members that my parents had tried to hide it from found out too.
It was INSANE!
Showing up at my daughter's elementary school that day was...awkward.
I was also the head of one of the parent committees. Teachers who had previously laughed and joked with me, now ignored me.
A LOT of people went out of their way to show me that they accepted me and did not judge. But some never looked me in the eye again.
I didn't take it personally. Most people have been brainwashed to view sex as dirty and deviant.
I feel sorry for those people.
My sex life is amazing precisely because I'm not a prude.
But I digress...
Living a triple life can be anxiety-provoking sometimes.
Did you know that there are guys on the Internet who will figure out sex worker's real names and then threaten to expose them to their families if they don't send explicit nudes?
They come up with all kinds of extortion.
I will never let an Internet predator, or anyone else for that matter, extort me. No one will have that kind of power over me. Ever.
Do your worst, shithead. You're getting nothing from me.
I've known several sex workers who were outed to their landlords, family, and others, by jealous exes.
Is that low or what?! I have zero respect for people who try to destroy other people's lives. I hope karma gets them real good!
A funny part of living a triple life is that I try to limit my lies as much as possible.
When people ask what I do for a living, I say "Massage."
Every once in awhile, one of my guy friends will book a massage.
I keep a massage table in my studio just for this reason.
I also charge higher rates than most legit massage providers (as a deterrent from people I know booking with me).
But every once in awhile, one of them pays the big bucks to get a massage from me.
When I get them naked on the table, I have to stay present the whole time and remind myself not to play with their nipples or reach out and grab their cocks!
If I let my mind wonder a little, my hands have a mind of their own!
I also worry about how far up the thigh I should be massaging and whether I should have them turn over!
Go ahead, laugh at me. It makes me laugh too. xo
I think the hardest thing about keeping my work private is knowing how it would affect the people I love if I'm outed.
My kids. Would their dad make a scene? My partner. Would his family be shocked and outraged?
I wish our society wasn't so uptight about sex.
I wish sex workers could provide our healing services without any need to conceal our work.
I wish people could see the value in what I do, rather than judge me and condemn me.
One day, maybe our western society will be different. Not every country is as uptight and fucked up around sex as ours.
In the meantime, I'll be Massage Annie, Activist Annie, and Mom. All separate but the same.
These aren't pieces of myself. They are all fully me. One doesn't preclude the other.
All of me, in my various roles, with my various responsibilities.
Three identities, one grateful human.
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