Funny and Sexy Memes to Cheer You Up

 
This quarantine is depressing!

I miss working a lot and hope it doesn't go on much longer.

How are you doing? 

I'd love to hear from you. Please send me an email or text to say hi!

To break the boredom and have a little chuckle, I am sharing COVID-19 memes with you.

Some of them I found on the Internet and some of them I created myself.

I hope you enjoy them. xoxo

Internet Memes

 

Those are some awesome 

healing crystals! 

 

How do women stay alive?!!! 

 

 Thank goodness someone 

put this together!

 

It's that easy, 

gentlemen.

 

 

Whoops! 

 

So, that's who bought up all 

the hand sanitizer! 

 

This made me laugh and laugh. 

Good one!

 

I want to receive a text 

message meant for 

someone else like this! 

 

Fuck diamonds! 

This is really a 

woman's best friend! 

 

I hope people are getting laid 

with their free time!

Hint: Massage her first and 

turn off the TV!

Hallelujah Annie Memes

 

 Don't you agree?

I hope you film it too! ;)

 Okay, I know but it's so dumb it's funny!

How I feel without you. XO

 Evil temptress that I am. ;)

 There's no other job for me!

 Send dick pics, Save lives.

 Just kidding... or am I?

 And she's even Covid-free!

 I hope you enjoyed checking out these sexy and funny memes.

I truly miss working. I'm hornier than ever. 

When all this is over, I'm going to need a lot of retroactive naughtiness.

I hope you'll join me!

Love Annie xoxo

Your Naughty Digitial Content Preferences (Survey Results)

I posted a survey last month trying to get into your dirty minds.

I bet with all the self-isolation, you're having lots of dirty thoughts!

I know I am. Less bookings equals MORE HORNINESS!

My poor boyfriend can't keep up with my demands. 

He's hoping some of you will book appointments so I can release all this pent up sexual energy.

His exact words were: "I love how horny you are but I can't be everyone's dick for you, Baby."

LOL

Unfortunately, massage parlours are ordered to be closed and I am obeying the order, like a good little citizen.

So...

I WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR MASSAGES until further notice. 

Naughty phone chats (where I talk dirty about things that turn you on) are available for $100 / half hour.

For my regulars that I trust not to share or record our session, I may also provide Facetime Fun! Let me know if you're interested. 

My biggest fear closing shop is that I will lose my incall space in White Rock. If you want to donate to my rent and help me keep my space, please consider making an e-transfer donation to annie@nakedtruth.cc xoxo

Skip this next part if you don't want to see my serious side or you're sick of coronavirus propaganda.

You may be wondering what I think of all this coronavirus panic. Well, I'm happy to share my personal thoughts...

Personally, I do not agree with how the coronavirus pandemic is being handled.

First, I find it hard to believe after all the toxic food, medicines, and pesticides forced on the population that suddenly our government cares about our health.

Particularly the elderly, who are given a pittance pension to live off for the most part.

If they really cared, the reasonable thing to do would be to focus on quarantining and protecting the most at-risk - directing our resources (fed and provincial money, hospital preparations, etc) towards those who may truly die from this virus.

The rest of us can survive it like we would any bad flu. We'd miss a week or so of work and get back to it.

Instead, the world is on the brink of economic collapse and the poorest citizens will be hit the hardest. 

I hate seeing it all go down. However, I am forced to endure and acquiesce to these overwhelming restrictions.

I think we should have the right as independent, free-thinking adults to take the risk of exposure if we want to.

And if someone out and about picks up the virus from me for being out and about, how is that my fault? 

The shaming and division tactics that are being used by some of my most intelligent friends is frightening.

But enough of the serious talk. I'm sure there are some of you who agree and some who don't. 

I respect all of your opinions and hope not to have offended anyone. We can agree to disagree, right? xo

Back to the main message...

My boyfriend is right though. I love my job because I am a very sensual, sexual woman who loves to tease and be teased.

My sex drive is abundant and I'm missing a lot by being off work! LOL

So, while I was masturbating this morning, I decided to read through your survey responses.

Remember the survey about what turns you on online?

I asked things like, "What are your favourite porn search terms?" and "Would you be a cock model?"

Very HOT reading material for touching myself!!!

Here are the results of that survey and how they made me feel...

Annie's Getting Naughty (Survey Results)

I originally wanted your responses to help me to create content for my fan page but then I ended up closing my fan page.

However, I am still using your responses for ideas when writing erotic stories and for my own pleasure.

And now you get to enjoy them too!

What kinds of sexy photos and videos would you be interested in watching online?

The top three that stood out more than any others were:

#1. Naughty, Explicit Photos (you naughty boys!)
#2. Classy, Sexy Nudes that leave you wanting more!

And tied at... 

#3. Massage sessions with clients and lovers!
#3. Happy Endings!

I must say, I'm so happy I filmed some of these things while I was creating content. It was SEXY AND FUN! 

There's something about filming the experience that makes it so much more erotic!

And thank you to the gentlemen who let me take  photos and film them.

What are your favourite porn search words?

Here are some of your answers...

Lingerie (I wear lingerie!)
Blonde (I'm blonde!)
Hand job (I do that!)
Domme (Lol, I can try but I'm not a natural.)
Huge Cock (I don't have one, bring yours!)
Milf (Or so I've been told...)
Mature (Check!)
Squirting (Haven't mastered that yet.)
Lesbian (Does gay for pay count? LOL)
Facesitting (I have experience!)
Amateur (At some things, for sure!)
Caught in the act (HOT!)
Girls masturbating (I masturbate!)
Female massage (I am a female who gives massages!)
Penis massage (Yes, those kinds!)
Blow job (Not offered by me, but it's fun to imagine, right?)
Dirty talk (I love hearing and talking dirty!)
Glass dildo masturbating (Really?! I'll have to check this out!)

Would you consider allowing me to share photos of your cock between my feet or in my hands, or videos showing parts of our massage session?

Other than one "maybe," a "probably," and a "perhaps"...

YOU ALL SAID YES!

MY GODDESS, YOU ARE NAUGHTY NAUGHTY BOYS!

Holy moley, that turns me on. 

Any other advice or suggestions for me? Comments? Feedback on my website or massage sessions? I love to hear from you. Tell me what you think of me. xoxo

I love the responses to this question. Thank you for all the love! Here are some of my favourites...

"I love authentic female orgasm, what I mean by authentic is, she loses a little control that its not staged, when she orgasms. Maybe its a quiver or a shake, grip down, body curl she cannot control. Not the “Oh yes oh yes give it to me, I’m coming.” It’s the essence of something you said on my first massage, “the power of coming, makes someone else come." And the more real it is the stronger it is." (Truth!)

"I think you're incredible and I'm getting a hard on doing this survey." (Send a pic!)

"You are awesome!! I have yet to enjoy a session with you but I absolutely love your weekly emails and I enjoy reading your stories and zooming in your pics." (Thank you so much!)

"You are a stunning woman any man would be honoured to be with." (Awww! Heart bursting!)

"You are super sexy and even smarter!" (Thank you, that means a lot!)

"Keep up the good work. I guess I better get my ass (and cock) over to meet you. You are incredibly hot." (Can't wait to meet you!)

"Keep being you!" (That's so sweet! Yes, I will!)

There was also a comment about my price and I wanted to respond to it. Here is the comment:

"I have not booked with you yet, but I love the online presence you are putting together. The one thing holding me back is (I know you’ll hate this) the price point. You’re not outrageously priced, but for happy ending massage with some limited mutual touch, no bj... you might be the most expensive I’ve seen. Maybe after experiencing it my mind will be changed, but it’s hard to make that leap. I’m seeing someone this week for $250 for an hour FS."

I completely understand! I am a person who budgets my money and watches what I spend, so I can relate to being put off by rates that are higher than you usually pay.

I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this, as I'm sure you are not the only person who feels this way.

When choosing my price, I considered everything about what I offer. Specifically, I feel that I offer an above-average experience and so I should charge above-average rates to reflect that.

Some of my considerations were and are:

• I rent a separate workspace from where I live which increases my overhead costs.
• I maintain meticulous cleanliness as a rule. 
• There is no smoking and there are no animals living in my workspace. Therefore, there are no foul odours or animal hair lurking in my studio.
• I provide showering facilities, products for washing and freshening breath, and always fresh towels (of course).
• I provide a sensual environment with music and mood lighting, and I add new songs to my massage playlist all the time so it doesn't get boring.
• I provide an STI safe experience and still get tested every 3 months. In other words, I take your health (and mine) seriously.
• My massage is intimate and relaxing. Expect to feel incredible pleasure. My touch is the luxury you need to unwind and de-stress. I take pride in my massage and making you feel incredible before you even turn over.
• My personality is upbeat and fun. I have always been one of those people who constantly smiles and giggles. I can't help it. Years ago, an older dancer told me that this industry would steal my happiness. She was wrong. I'm happier than ever.
• I love my work! I know the respectful clients out there want to see providers who WANT to be doing what they're doing. And sometimes, it maybe seems like some aren't really into it. I promise, if I'm not into it, I won't book appointments!
• I am reliable. I give notice if I cannot make a booking for some reason. I am always ready on time. I could go on about my level of professionalism.
• I like to think that clients can feel comfortable with me. I am very non-judgemental and value communication and honesty. I would never kink-shame anyone, and I genuinely want feedback from my clients.

For the above reasons, I have never felt that my price is higher than the worth of my service.

I don't kiss or give blow jobs, but those aren't really "massage" services. Some providers offer them, but I don't.

I do offer mutual touching and will take requests that are within my boundaries, as well.

I hope I have responded in a way that shows you I respect your position and also explains why my donation is $200/hour.

If I was not maintaining a regular clientele, then I would absolutely look at my business to see where it is lacking and consider a lower amount.

However, I've been blessed to connect with some incredible men who keep coming back. This keeps the wolves from my door and allows me to turn down clients who don't respect me.

So, at this time, I am feeling good about what I charge and I am confident my regulars feel the same. 

I also understand that this price might make my services unavailable to some really great guys! 

Fortunately, there are lots of sexy, professional providers at different price points who can cater to different clients. 

CONCLUSION

I hope you've enjoyed reading the results of my "Annie's Getting Naughty" survey.

Obviously, I'm not the only one who is getting naughty! LOL

I love all your horny minds.

I may not see some of you for awhile because of the pandemic and I want you to know that I miss you!

If any of you are alone or struggling, please reach out.

I've also heard that masturbating releases hormones that support our immune systems, so definitely do a lot of that!

In fact, takes pics and send them to me. I need them to get me through this sexual drought!


Text or Email to book a naughty phone chat today!
236-881-1444  
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
Find me on nakedlist.cc!

Ask Annie: What I LOVE About My Married Clients

I LOVE my  married clients!

This is not to say that I don't love my single clients.

I DO!

This is what I LOVE about my married clients...

ADVANCE BOOKINGS

True, some of you married guys prefer short notice booking, but the vast majority of you plan out your naughty sessions well in advance.

I love having my schedule filled up; knowing who I am going to see this week and looking forward to my favourite regulars (married and single alike!).

You are also the most likely to let me know as soon as possible if you have to reschedule a session. Your consideration allows me time to fill that spot, so I don't lose out on income.

RATIONAL AND INTROSPECTIVE

Most of my married clients truly understand the limits of our monogamy-based culture.

Like me, many of you don't consider our sessions cheating. 

I am in a relationship too, but I do not consider my work to be "cheating" no matter how much fun it is.

I simply view the "naughty fun" aspect of my work as a bonus. I am one of the blessed people in this world who gets to do work she loves.

My married clients are usually very honest about being married and will share openly their feelings about their wives.

They tell me they love their wives and would never dream of going outside their marriage. 

Most of them put a lot of thought into accessing sexual services before taking the leap.

The majority of them concluded that my service simply fills a void enabling them to be better, more present, loving spouses.

Yes, I get this isn't the case for every married guy seeing a sex worker. But it's a very common theme in my practice. 

NO ROMANTIC EXPECTATIONS

Sometimes single clients will grow attached to their regular providers, which is natural because we share intimate moments together.

If you are lonely, I may be the only person in your life providing intimacy.

This can create confusing feelings which I fully understand. 

I grow attached too...

However, I don't entertain romantic ideas about clients because I'm already in a really great relationship.

Married clients don't usually develop unrealistic expectations about their providers.

They, like me, view our relationship as something that enriches our lives but not as something that should be central to our lives.

RESPECT OF BOUNDARIES

My married clients are most likely to respect my boundaries.

They appreciate the safety measures I take to ensure that no one goes home with an STI - not me or you.

They appreciate this little extra fun outside their marriage without jeopardizing their marriage. 

And I appreciate their respect of my boundaries.

I am very fortunate. I am not desperate for clients. My single regulars are all guys who also respect my boundaries.

Regardless of marital status, I prioritize my health and therefore I fire clients who don't respect my simple rules. 

Big love to all of you guys who respect my boundaries and also want to protect us both. XOXO

CONSISTENCY 

Married clients who love their wives are the best regulars.

They value the intimacy that comes with getting to know their provider, so they often stay with me over the long term.

They don't stop showing up because "they got a girlfriend." 

I am absolutely happy to be the woman my single clients come to see when they don't have a special someone.

But I miss them when they're gone!

My married clients are less likely to stop seeing me for long periods of time, which provides stability in my business.

It's also nice because I grow very fond of my regulars.

(That's a hint for those of you I haven't seen in awhile. xo) 

SEXUAL SKILL

My married clients tend to be older. Most have had a voracious sex life with their wives at one time. 

They have healthy libidos, even if the equipment isn't what it used to be for some of them.

They are experienced in the bedroom.

Don't get me wrong! I have single clients who are amazingly experienced and skilled too.

But if a client is married, it ups the odds that he will be good with his hands and his mouth. 

He will very likely suck my nipples in a very arousing way and know to be gentle with my precious parts.

Now that their wives are maybe not as horny, they enjoy keeping their skills alive by practicing on me. 

I'm grateful!


For all those reasons and more, I love my married clients. 

Well, I love ALL of my regular clients. 

But this article is in appreciation of the married ones. 

Hope to see you soon!

Love Annie XOXO

Text or Email to book a massage today!
236-881-1444 hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
Find me on nakedlist.cc!

Imagine Two Beautiful Women Giving You the Massage of Your LIFE!

You enter my studio and there are two of us waiting in lingerie to give you a hug.

After you've showered and relaxed face-down on the bed, we position ourselves on either side of you.

While Carmen massages one side of your body, I massage the other.

You find yourself groping for both of us with each of your hands.

Two nude women - breasts and pussies - all for you for an entire hour (or longer).

It's double the price... Is it worth it?

Well, it depends on whether you're interested in experiencing such an exciting fantasy.

How much would you like to put your hands on two of us without worrying that one of us will get jealous?

This is a luxury appointment for YOUR PLEASURE!

Take turns pleasuring each of us while the other continues your massage, or attempt to get us both super horny at the same time.

Just being in a threesome makes us horny!

Once you turn over, the fun really begins.

We'll take turns massaging your member and press our bodies against you.

The skin-to-skin pleasure is multiplied when you've got two of us servicing your desires.

A four-hand massage is an incredible experience - ask any man who has tried it before!

But beware, it may be difficult to hold out. You may find yourself ready to come sooner than you meant to.

But no worries. This leaves time for us to cuddle.

Do you like the idea of having two sexy, naked women in your arms?

If so, maybe you should book a duo massage.

Think about it. XOXO

Update on my JFF Account...

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd do porn.

I've been an exotic dancer, a nude model, a strip club massage girl, and a sensual massage provider... but I've never performed sex acts on film, until now.

Two months ago, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be performing erotically for loyal fans.

And yet, I love it!

Yes, it's true. It turns me on.

It's fun and HOT!

HOWEVER...

I've decided to discontinue my account because of a recent model exposure that made me rethink my career in porn.

A large number of models and performers had their accounts hacked and their images and videos exposed to the world.

I contacted the owner of JFF and he assured me that JFF is the safest fan site on the Internet, but the possibility of hack of this nature is aways possible.

I spent a great deal of time thinking about this and came to the conclusion that I'm not willing to take that risk at this time in my life.

I've decided to hold off on sharing pornographic content on a fan site until a future date, when either (a) sites are more protected somehow or (b) my kids are older.

I hope you understand. 

I've contacted my subscribers who paid for content in advance and will be reimbursing them with content or ca$h. 

Thank you for your understanding!



Text or Email to book a massage today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
Find me on nakedlist.cc! 
 

Ask Annie: My Best and Worst Clients

It goes without saying that there are certain standards that set a client up to make a great first impression.

This article covers the qualities and behaviours of my best clients and my worst clients. 

TRUST

My best clients read my ad thoroughly and click through to my website before booking with me.

I know who you are because you introduce yourself in your first text message to me.

I especially love you guys who send me a photo of your face.

It shows respect towards me and my desire to feel safe in my work.

My best clients do your due diligence. You look for clues to ensure I am legit and professional.

You can easily see by visiting my site that I am in it for the long haul. I am a business woman. My business is doing pleasure with you.

Knowing that I am legitimate and professional, you can also depend on me to be discreet.

Discretion is the name of the game in this business.

Our world is extremely uptight about sexuality and the sex industry. Neither you nor I wants to have a spotlight on what we're doing.

In cases where there's a partner or other loved one who could get hurt, I can especially see why some clients are reluctant to provide their information.

However...

...it's an inconvenient truth that sex workers are targeted by predators. 

Assaults on sex workers are not rare.

Therefore, to do this work, I have to have a certain amount of trust in you.

I trust a gentleman who tells me his real name and shares a photo.

I trust the ones who have read my site, know my rules, and book with me intending to respect my boundaries.

Screening is not just about what you tell me. It's also about how you tell me.

I watch for clues in attitude and energy.

Do you treat me with respect? Are you kind? Are you forthcoming with your name and introduction? Are you already asking me to bend my rules for you?

The benefits of beginning our transaction with openness and trust are more than a screening technique.

We will experience a more immediate connection and a deeper level of intimacy on our first meeting if you have trusted me with an honest and upfront interaction prior to the booking.

In other words, I'll be... MORE HORNY!

RESPECT

My best clients show me respect by how you treat our booking.

You don't cancel at the last minute (unless there's a very good reason, of course).

You don't show up early and buzz to get in before I'm ready. You sit in your car and let me know you've arrived. You wait till I say I'm ready before you approach my building.

You don't chat up my neighbours or take your time getting to my door.

You understand that discretion goes both ways. 

My best clients know how to behave on their way to a booking.

And I get it. Some guys are new to being clients and they make mistakes while they're learning the etiquette. That's one of the reasons I write articles like this!

My best clients also respect my time. You don't get offended when I hustle you out the door at the end of our agreed upon session.

You understand that I have a life, other clients, children, and a whole world of obligations outside of my session with you.

My best clients apologize to me when you realize we're over time, even if we're over time because of me!  

You are caring and don't want to impose. Gosh, you are good to me.

Clients who don't respect my time or my need for discretion will shower when they should be walking out the door and talk loudly at my door so that I worry my neighbours will hear what they are saying.

Clients who don't respect my time or my business will try to engage me in chatting before or between bookings, repeatedly asking for free photos, stringing me along like they're going to book a massage, but never actually committing to a booking.

I'm getting pretty good at recognizing these types and ignoring them because I'm fucking busy!

Of course, if I see you regularly, I will naturally think about you between bookings. 

I will love hearing from you even just to say hi.

And if you're a regular, you probably know how much I like pics! ;)

THE BASICS

There are certain basic things that my best clients do.

You shower directly before the booking paying attention to cleaning your cocks and bums.

You make an effort to keep your breath smelling fresh. (I provide mouthwash too!)

We all have bad breath sometimes because of something we ate or a medication we're on. 

Simply an effort to provide fresh breath for our one hour together is a beautiful thing.

Clean, nice smelling men turn me on! A simple recipe for success if you want a horny session.

DURING THE SESSION

My best clients in session are the ones who allow me to lead the appointment.

Guys who suddenly try lifting me up or flipping me over...  Please don't do that.

It might be hot when you're fucking your partner. But it's not hot in a session with me.

I have no idea how other providers feel about this kind of behaviour, but I don't like it.

If you want to do something outside of the usual massage experience, like massage me or lie next to me and cuddle or come on my ass or whatever you're thinking about - please ask me.

Most suggestions can be accommodated as long as they fit within the boundaries I have set.

If not, then I will tell you no. But I will not shame you. I encourage communication!

My best clients express your desires and are not offended if it's something I'm uncomfortable with.

You take the first "no" as my answer. 

My worst clients will push and push and push the boundaries till I stop taking them back.

Other things that I like clients to do once they've arrived...

• Please take your shoes off at the door. If you need to sit down to put them back on, there's a stool to sit on in the foyer.
• Please place the donation down or hand it to me BEFORE you shower or wash your hands. Money is dirty and if you want your hands on me, I'd like them to be clean. (Don't worry, I'll remind you if you forget.)
• Talk, moan, groan, tell me how turned on you are, what you like, what you don't like, if you're nervous, if you're concerned about something, worried about anything. Communicate with me! It will make our session much more relaxed and enjoyable if I know what's going on for you.

My Worst Clients

Honestly, the most common "worst" clients are the ones who pull a no show.

Booking a session and then not showing up is the height of disrespect.

I put a lot of time and care into preparing for each booking.

I bathe, shave, put on makeup, apply perfume, ensure my studio is clean and welcoming, set-up the massage area, put on lingerie and heels, set some mood music, and more.

When you book with me, you aren't just paying me for an hour. You're paying me to become your fantasy - a sexy woman who is dressed and ready to make giving you pleasure my priority.

I take pride in my work and strive to offer the best experience possible, so when someone pulls a no show, I consider it very disrespectful.

I may have driven away from my children across town to prepare for this booking. 

I may have turned down other clients. 

I may have turned down an event that I would have liked to attend. 

I may have declined posting my ad because I only had time to do one session that day.

Clients who pull a no show are definitely some of the worst clients... 

But there's another kind of client that is even worse than no shows.

The absolute worst clients come to me with pre-conceived notions about me as a sex worker. 

They think I am lesser than them and their behaviour and energy let me know it.

They come full of shame for paying me for my service. 

These kinds of clients are energy vampires. I can't wait for the hour to end and sometimes their toxicity hangs around me for awhile afterwards.

I never take them back. 

Here's a great article about why sex work is not about desperation.
https://www.kinkly.com/why-sex-work-is-not-desperation/2/18265

Conclusion

As you can see, my best clients are not the ones who make me orgasm (although some of my best clients do!) 

They are the ones who do their research, read my website, and trust me with their screening information.

They are discreet and respectful of my time.

They are clean and smell nice.

And they are absolute gentlemen in the bedroom.

If this describes you, I hope you are one of my clients.

And if you're not, I hope you'll consider giving one of my massages a try. xoxo

Text or Email to book a massage today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
Find me on nakedlist.cc!