Sunday, June 28, 2020

Dealing With Shame


Last year I posted a survey asking for article ideas and a respondent asked me how I deal with shame in my work.

At the time, I thought he was referring to my own shame. I responded truthfully that I do not experience any shame for being a sex worker. 

I am a whore with pride, relatively speaking. (Massages only, naughty boys!)

Yes, I'm actually proud of what I do. I find purpose in pressing my naked body against yours.

One of the benefits of being a sex worker for over 20 years is that I have no shame.

I've been shamed. Certainly. 

To this day I continue to be shamed for choosing this work. 

People who find out what I do often judge me harshly, assume I am a bad parent, or that I was raped as a child and now I'm acting out.

Or maybe I have daddy issues. I've even heard strippers who had daddy issues say that they think all strippers have daddy issues...

LMAO! NOT TRUE!

Do we examine why janitors scrub toilets for a living? Maybe they have latent potty issues that inspire them to work in such a degrading career. (I hope you sense my sarcasm here.)

Sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?  

There's no shame in being a janitor even though some people would find it degrading. There's no shame in being a sex worker even though some people find it degrading. 

The most degrading jobs I ever had were the ones that I made shit money and wasn't allowed to sit down for hours upon hours at a time.


I am a sex worker, but I am not ashamed.
 
It all started with a book called "Whores and Other Feminists"; a book that released me from seeing myself through other people's eyes.

I read this book in 1998. A TA (teacher's assistant) in my Women's Studies class told me about it after I came out to her privately as a stripper.

"I don't feel degraded or oppressed," I confessed. 

Thanks to that TA and her book recommendation, very early in my dancing days I embraced my sexuality.

I shed the shame my family and friends (and greater society) tried to force on me.

I was the silent stripper in Women's Studies' classes at university, quietly knowing that the other women in the room didn't know a fucking thing about my industry.

I was told how degraded and exploited sex workers were. But my experience as a stripper felt a lot like empowerment (financially and emotionally).

The truth is I felt more exploited in the minimum wage jobs of my youth and even the more "prestigious" positions I held as an adult (between sex work gigs) that were ultimately far more degrading than getting tastefully naked for $40+ per show.

I'm not saying the strip industry is a pillar of dignity! There are inequities and bullshit that can only be appreciated from a stripper's perspective.

But, in my experience, square jobs are MORE degrading. I had less control and less financial remuneration in square jobs.

Long story longer... After my own paradigm shift, I spent the rest of my life teaching others not to be ashamed.

That seems weird, doesn't it? Just this moment, I realized that my life work has been neck deep in deconstructing shame.

If I break it all down to it's smallest parts...

...I started The Naked Truth in 2001 because, at the root of everything, I wanted to give other strippers the right to enjoy their jobs.

I wanted to teach strip club customers how to be respectful to strippers; that we are human beings just like everyone else. 

And I wanted us (strippers) to support and encourage each other. 

Being a tool for positive, emotional growth, the Naked Truth community grew to include sex workers of all genders and genres.

My Hallelujah Annie articles are now an extension of that work.

As you can imagine, sex work is a very isolating vocation. Most of us don't even tell our family or friends that we do this work!

Nevermind, talking about our day. Who can we share our day with?


Did you know there are "feminist" organizations that think I am a victim and also a perpetuator of rape at the same time?!

How is this possible?

The same people who say they feel sorry for me and want to "save me" are the same people who try to make my job illegal and attack me publicly.

They call me a whore. They think it hurts me!

The joke is on them.

They are the ones who should be ashamed for oppressing people in the name of feminism.

These organizations exist still today despite governments withdrawing their funding! 

They try to make anyone born with a penis ashamed for existing. 

They masquerade as Women's Rights organizations but their hate spreading makes them weak.

What you put out is what you get back, right?!



In the past few months, I've been thinking of that original question [How do you deal with shame in your work?].

I've certainly had clients who displayed feelings of shame or even expressed those feelings during our visits.

Some felt guilty for going outside of their relationships. 

Others were embarrassed that they have to pay for sensual services.

Still others were ashamed of their kink, their high libido, their need to be touched... as though any of these things might indicate a lack somehow in them.

Most recently, I've spoken about shame with a male sex worker. 

He informs me that admitting his bisexuality out loud and doing sex work were two things he struggled with immensely due to shame.

Furthermore, he says that many of his male clients feel shame for seeking his services. This is a private part of their life that no one sees except the sex workers they hire.

What a heavy load to carry!

Most shame, I've come to realize, is very subconscious. 

It was planted in our childhoods and blossomed in our teens, when our bodies and sexuality became suddenly very important.

My mother taught me not to be ashamed of my sexuality. 

Yet when I became a stripper at the age of 23, that woman shamed me with an intensity I'd rather not describe. 

It was intolerable and still affects my relationship with her to this day. 


Shame feels like a weapon that slices deep wounds into our souls. 

It is not good for anyone to dwell in shame.

I think to be human, we must all know what it feels like. It's that especially deep, dark secret we've never shared with anyone.

Sexual shame is a huge obstacle to nurturing healthy relationships.

Our parents and grandparents did not talk about sex with us and if they caught us doing anything sexual, it was extremely embarrassing!

They may even have said things to make our shame and embarrassment worse.

Most of us were also taught to judge and condemn sex workers (who were all women, according to the accepted narrative).

Whore stigma exists!

The worst of all possible things, apparently, is to fuck for money.

I giggle even typing that ridiculous statement. 

How is it horrible to perform intimate or pleasurable services in return for a livable income?

Nurses, therapists, masseuses, nail technicians, and even bartenders offer intimacy, pleasure or both for money.

It only becomes "wrong" when sexuality is attached to it.

Whore stigma is practiced even amongst sex workers, like when a domme or stripper or adult film performer says "At least I don't fuck my clients."

The whore stigma is a theoretical paradigm.

It is based on the false stereotype that sex workers are some of the lowest people in our society. 

It is perpetuated by people who have not been sex workers or they were sex workers but did not enjoy it.



Whore stigma for clients goes something like this... 

"I'm so unattractive/shy/awkward/unlovable I have to pay for it." 

The whore stigma assumes that clients who enjoy our services are depraved. That they are using their power over us (money) to control us (with their penises).

Sorry for my parentheses. It's just so ridiculous!

First of all, not all clients are men. I am a client FFS! (for fucks sakes)

Secondly, clients come from every walk of life. All classes, all races, all occupations, etc. We all have the potential to access the services of sex workers.

And finally, some of my favourite people on the planet are my clients! 

Obviously, you are not controlling assholes or I wouldn't care about you so much. 



Fun fact: Indoor sex workers (90% of us) are MORE LIKELY to be university educated than non-sex workers!

Are you surprised that the lowest in our society are so privileged to be educated? 

Not to mention, we are intelligent and driven enough to make it through post secondary!?

Of course you're not surprised! You are a client! 

You know us as real human beings. You know the whore stigma is a whole lot of bullshit.

But it's different when you turn the whore stigma on yourself. Right?

I learned about something in university that many of you may not have heard of before.

It's a term used in academia called "internalized oppression."

Essentially what it means is that you take a negative stigma and turn it on yourself.

Some sex workers and clients fall victim to internalized oppression.

From ScienceABC.com

"Humans are different from one another in many ways. These differences are neither inherently good nor bad. It is only when we attach meaning to these differences that they become negative or positive. 
"People are treated differently owing to these differences within them. These differences are used to classify people as either superior or inferior, and the inferior ones are continuously targeted and oppressed. This system of oppression bestows more or less power and privilege to a person depending on the social group to which he is perceived to belong...
"When people are oppressed in an ongoing manner for a long time, they come to believe the stereotypes and myths about their own group that are communicated by the dominant group. They accept and inculcate the negative image of themselves and absorb their subordinate status as being deserved, normal and inevitable.
"When the oppressed begin to believe that the inferiority imposed on them is a natural way of life, they have internalized that oppression."

Do you see how this pertains to sex workers and clients?

The dominant group (society) perpetuates myths and stereotypes about groups that are perceived as inferior (sex workers and clients).  

When we begin to believe in this inferiority, we are internalizing oppression.


I'm here to tell you...

...unless you're a fucking POS predator who targets sex workers to harass, rob, rape, or otherwise harm us...

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

There is no shame in sexuality; nor in those who seek it nor those who sell it.

I can't take your shame away, of course. That work is yours alone.

If you feel shame for our time together, that is something I hope you will explore with an open mind and heart.

I am not here to replace your partner. I am not here to point out your inadequacies. 

The reason I am here is to bring extra joy and pleasure to your life. I am a professional. 

You hire me to assist in meeting basic human needs.  

Needs that we all have! Needs for intimacy, touch, pleasure, kink, sexual release, etc.

What we seek from each other is a beautiful thing that does not deserve such stigma. 

Our mutual (naughty) friendship should bring good to your life. 

That's what I offer... Goodness (in the form of naked hugs).

I hope you enjoyed this article and even if you do not experience shame as a client that you may have learned something.

I have so much to learn from you! Tell me what I'm missing in this article. Give me your honest feedback.

It's a tough subject but I wanted to address it openly and with care.

Please have an amazing week and book a massage soon!

Love Annie

Text or Email today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com

Saturday, June 20, 2020

June 2020 Selfie Photo Shoot

Hello Gentlemen!

Here is a recent UNEDITED, NO FILTERS, MINIMAL MAKEUP, SELFIE photo shoot!

I took these photos on June 16, 2020 using a phone tripod and a remote control to click the photos.

What do you think?

Miss me? Want my hands on your bod? XOXO

Love Annie




I snapped a photo accidentally while setting up!


The Headless Massage Goddess!


I'm waiting for you. xoxoxo


Hurry up! (LOL)


Is it my turn for a massage?


Look at my pretty nail colour. :)


Hope to hear from you soon!

Text or Email today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
 


Sunday, June 14, 2020

Blessed to be Sexed!



How important is sex to you?

If you suddenly couldn't have sex (and I know this has happened to many of us), how would (did) it affect your life?

Health, relationship, financial, social-emotional and other barriers prevent many of us from getting our sexual needs met.

And then there's intimacy... separate from but irrevocably intertwined with sex.

Can we live without both? Does the impossibility of sex negate the possibility of intimacy?

How does the lack of sex and intimacy affect us emotionally and physically?

Do you believe that sexual experiences and intimacy are basic human needs?


In my work (as a stripper, strip club massage goddess, and sensual massage provider - over 20 years in the biz), I've learned a lot about sexual desire and intimacy.

I've learned that people lack sex and intimacy in their lives for different reasons.

Some reasons include:

  • Social Awkwardness
  • Health Conditions
  • Disability
  • Shyness
  • Sexless Marriage
  • Distrust of Others
  • Working Too Much
  • Lack of Libido
  • Shame
  • Depression
And the list goes on.

This is the reason I oppose laws that vilify clients! 

Clients are human beings who are, for the most part, seeking intimacy!

I know that is not always the reason. Sometimes it's to fulfill a fantasy, satisfy a kink, mix things up, increase excitement, etc.

But intimacy is a big part of it. 


Clients are not only men. They are all genders. I am a client! I'm certainly not a predator.

Most clients are good people seeking a professional, satisfying experience. 

Many are in emotional pain, and the touch from a provider can ease that pain.

When couples hire a sex worker - they are increasing the intimacy and trust in their own relationship. 


There's a myth in our society that women like to cuddle after sex but men don't. 

This is absolutely untrue!

Certainly, not every woman and not every man likes cuddling post-coitus.

But THE MAJORITY of my clients like to cuddle after their happy ending. 

Many don't even really care about the happy ending. They are visiting me for INTIMACY.

What do you like the best about my service?

Is it the naked hug?

(It's my favourite part.)

If you hug me back, and we get that rush that comes from naked hug endorphins... ahhhhh, it's fucking amazing.

Don't we, as human beings, need that feeling to survive?

I remember when I didn't have it in my life. I was literally starving for affection. 

I cried the first several times I had really good sex after that stark, loveless part of my life. I hid my tears because I was too distrusting to be truly vulnerable yet.

In the darkness of the strip clubs, under the influence of alcohol and my touch; I've had customers literally break down from the weight of the world and the lack of touch in their lives.

No one should have to live without love, touch, and mainly... INTIMACY.



Sex is a wonderful way to attain intimacy.

But it is not the only way.

I love doing massages because our entire session is devoted to worshipping each other's bodies. 

There is no pressure of sex. There is only reciprocal pleasure.

Some clients are too shy or uncomfortable to touch me, but they still love the naked hug. 

Who wouldn't?

Skin-to-skin touch IS a basic human need! Babies would die without it. 

Just because we are adults does not mean we no longer need to be touched.



The blessings from intimacy are not just for my clients.

I am blessed to be sexed!

Doing this work has given me so much (and I'm not just talking about orgasms). 

The heartfelt thanks and beautiful messages I receive from clients fill me up.


Photoshopped Gift From
Subscriber After Reading
My "Best Asset" Post

They make me feel like I'm doing something really beautiful and important with my life. 

I am an intimacy replacement specialist for some of you. For others, I am simply someone to bring some excitement and naughtiness to your life!

And each of you brings something to my life too. Naked hugs being NUMBER ONE!


Message From First Time Client!

You bring me so much more though. Each relationship I have with my regulars is unique and treasured.

Thank you for blessing my life, Sexy People!

Remember me next time you touch yourself! XOXO

Love Annie

Text or Email today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com
 

Sunday, June 7, 2020

Taking Stock: One Year, Eight Months


It's been one year and eight months since I started doing sensual massage.

I didn't know how it would turn out.

I didn't know if I would be able to find enough clients. I didn't know if my partner would become jealous.

Two previous partners of mine were very jealous of me stripping.

One of them embarrassed me in the clubs on several occasions. When I would get home from work he'd be angry with me for being sexy for "all the men" but not for him.

(Hint: When most strippers aren't wearing stilettos and sexy costumes, we wear sweat pants, no make-up, no bra, and we chill the fuck out.) 



Fortunately, my partner is not the jealous type.

He has a checkered past himself working in industrial construction and traveling a lot for work.

He has hired many sex workers in his life.

Having experience being a client has helped him understand the importance of what I do and how it can impact people in a positive way. 

He is impressed with the quality of my service and professionalism. A lot of what I do has come from advice he gave me. 

In fact, when I first brought up the possibility of doing sensual massage to my partner, he encouraged me. 

He said (paraphrasing): 

"Babe, you are beautiful and sexy. You are the most loving person I've ever met. And your massages are better than any I've ever paid for."

He is proud of the positive difference that I make in people's lives through my work. 

Plus, he's a kinky motherfucker and we have a great sex life together.



When I started one year and eight months ago, I was doing outcall only. I did not have a space to work out of yet.

My clients were:
  • Strip club customers that I continued to be friends with although I hadn't stripped in years.
  • Strip club customers I met while giving neck massages in strip clubs.
  • Guys I met on social media who seemed goodhearted and safe.
In all honestly, outcall was scary for me. Going to a new client's home was always uncomfortable although I hope they couldn't tell.

After about three months of doing outcall and finding my clients conservatively by either meeting them in person or getting to know them on social media first, I decided I was ready to take the leap and get my own workspace.

I didn't know if I'd get enough work to cover the overhead and still make ends meet at home. But I am a risk taker. 

Finding a place that would accept me was really hard but I finally got into an apartment in White Rock with the help of a client posing as my previous landlord.

I, then, took another risk and applied for credit at The Brick to buy furniture for my space. 

I wanted my incall to be classy and nice but I also didn't want to go too far into debt, in case it didn't work out like I hoped.



The sixth month into working as a sensual Massage Goddess, I was all moved in and set-up. I placed my first ad for services on a popular adult classifieds site.

Immediately, my phone lit up.

Over the first couple months I learned that answering the phone doesn't work for me as a mom. So I instructed potential clients reading my ad to text or email me instead.

Since then, I have refined my screening methods and will probably continue to do so as technology and circumstances evolve.

My goal, for the obvious reason of building a successful business, but also for safety; has always been to find the clients I love engaging with the most and nurture them to become regulars.

I nurture them by first providing the best service I can possibly offer within my personal boundaries; and second by encouraging them to come back and letting them know they are special.

And that's not a lie. 

Each and every regular I have is special. 

They passed the interview; we had a connection, and that connection was maintained through our next few sessions.

Over time, my favourite regulars have become treasured friends.



When I began one year and eight months ago, almost every client every week was someone new I'd never met. 

Now, I can honestly say the majority of my clients each week are regulars and sometimes I go several weeks without seeing a new client at all.

I can't tell you how much that means to me. It makes me feel cared for, enjoyed, and desirable. It makes me feel safe.

From the start, I could see that I was bonding with certain regulars who came often enough (monthly or more) to really get to know them. 

It is thrilling to learn each other's bodies and enjoy each other on a level that is much more than physical.

And now, some of those clients have been seeing me for over a year. 

They are dear, dear friends. 


I spend more time with them than any of my personal life friends. 

They know me more deeply than most of my extended family members.

There's something that happens when you're naked with someone. I first noticed it when I was stripping.

I was the one who was exposed, but it enabled a lot of customers I met to open up to me. 

As though my willingness to be vulnerable in front of them (naked) gave them the courage to be vulnerable in front of me. (I'm sure the alcohol helped a little too.)



Now, doing sensual massage, we find ourselves - two people, naked, exposed, vulnerable, giving and receiving pleasure (yes) but also a meeting of our minds. 

Can we accept each other inside too?

Sometimes we can't accept each other. 

Sometimes my big mouth says something that a client completely disagrees with and they don't come back. 

I get it. I'm not offended. I can agree to disagree, but for some people, that is difficult.


Some of my colleagues say they don't talk about anything deep with clients because they don't want to risk saying something that might anger the client, in turn endangering the provider.

I wish I could keep my mouth shut!

I am just not a small-talk type of person.

If you want a massage and no talking - I can do that!

If you don't seem like you want to chat, I can do your entire massage with minimal conversation. "Ready to turn over?"

But if you want to talk and tell me your take on stuff, well... I LOVE deep, interesting topics!

I will meet your mind and our chats will have endless potential for learning and bonding and challenging and inspiring.

I've learned some fascinating and incredible things from my clients! 

And although there are some topics that I am too well-read or experienced in to budge; there are A LOT of subjects that if you challenge me with a compelling enough argument, I have often changed my mind on an issue.

My regulars recommend great movies and books. You give me advice on specialized topics. You help me with personal life challenges by talking to me and listening. 

You are beautiful people and I adore you so much!



I am so sincerely grateful to be doing a job I love and that gives me purpose. 

I am grateful to have regulars who care about me and also turn me on... 

...who respect me and also bring me endless physical pleasure... 

...who send me kind messages between bookings just to say hi and also send me sexy photos I can look at when I touch myself.

I have an amazing, wonderful life.

And you, my regulars, are a huge part of why my life is amazing.

One year and eight months ago, I had no idea if becoming a Massage Goddess was going to be the right decision. 

Now, I know it was one of the best decisions I've ever made for my life. 

I want to thank you (you know who you are) for being a part of enriching my life so much.

Until we meet again! 

Love Annie XOXOXO


Text or Email today!
236-881-1444
hallelujah.dream@gmail.com


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