Last week, a dear client and friend asked me, "Do sex workers ever get tired of sex?"
Here I am... horny all the time.
And I have no doubt that my job makes me hornier.
I was shaking my head no, but then I stopped.
I said, "You know, I don't think sex workers get sick of sex or sexual activities, but we definitely get burned out sometimes."
"And when we are burned out, we get sick of work in general."
Like nurses and other frontline workers, sex work involves a lot of emotional labour.
In other words, we manage the emotions of our clients during sessions.
The goal, of course, is to make you feel happy, horny, and enjoy a great mutually-pleasurable experience.
And often, this is easy.
After all, we're naked and you're usually already happy and horny when you arrive.
But there are other emotions we manage, as well.
Are you comfortable? Are you feeling insecure? Is this your first sensual massage? Did you have a bad week? Are you going through something?
Sex workers provide an intimate, vulnerable experience. Energy and mood can't help but impact it.
In extreme cases, we must manage the emotions of someone who feels aggressive or threatening. De-escalation is a necessary skillset.
Safely managing a potentially dangerous client and getting him out the door without incident is another example of emotional labour.
Sex workers are extremely skilled at this. We have to be.
Now speaking for myself, there is also my own shit to add to the mix.
Am I comfortable? Am I feeling insecure? Did I have a bad week? Am I going through something?
If something is stressing me out in my personal life, it can sometimes be difficult to put on a happy face and be upbeat during a session.
I remember first experiencing this conundrum as a stripper. Having to wipe my tears away and paste a smile on my face as I am introduced by the DJ and ascend the stage after a fight with my boyfriend.
Then I experienced it as a mother. Because our burdens don't always have to burden others, right?
(Parenting: The most intense emotional labour there is!)
My life is much more peaceful these days and I am rarely in a state before seeing a client.
But when I've been a little stressed, my clients usually provide a great escape from my troubles and often offer great advice too.
The beauty of a respectful massage session is that we can get lost in the moment. The best way to deal with stress!
The result of being "on" all the time (as I like to call it) -- for massage sessions, screening reluctant would-be clients, and ensuring my safety measures are in place, etc -- can take a toll.
Even as a stripper back in the day I experienced burnout.
I would describe being "on" as "striving to generate good feelings in other human beings by our own words and behaviours."
As you can imagine, being "on" takes a toll after awhile.
I know I am burned out when I start feeling reluctant to work rather than how I usually feel about my work...
...that it is a wonderful business that I've built with incredibly wonderful, sexy, respectful regular clients accessing my services. And I am grateful for the spiritual, emotional, and financial gifts that come with my chosen profession.I know I am burned out when I get to the end of a trying day and I need to have a good cry. So, what do I do? I cry!
I know I am burned out when I'd rather clean my house than go to work. LOL
So, what do I do? I take a day off to clean my house!
Sometimes, I feel your pain and then I take it along with me for hours or even days.
When that starts happening, I can predict imminent burnout.
It's not your fault. Not at all!
It's because I care about you.
I want to know what's happening in your lives. I want to know if you are struggling and help ease the burden for at least the time that we have together.
I want to hear from you between bookings to let me know how you're doing.
Burnout is no one's fault. It's just a fact of life. We all get burned out sometimes!
I am very good at handling burnout.
If I feel it starting to build, I'll stop taking new clients and only see my favourites until I'm back to my usual self.
If it's coming on a little strong, I'll only see clients that I know will bring me joy.
If it sneaks up on me, I will take anywhere from a few days to a whole week off work; focusing on my family and my hobbies.
I'm very fortunate to have friends in the industry that I can talk things out with if I have a bad experience or if I'm feeling overwhelmed for no reason at all!
So, the question "Do sex workers get tired of sex?" is actually more complex than I first thought.
We don't get tired of the sexuality of our jobs. We will always, like all people, need human contact and connection.
(And some mutual masturbation never hurts, right?)
But we do get burned out (or "tired" of working) and need to do self-care sometimes.
It is very important to me to provide a genuine, positive, caring, massage service and give you my best every time I see you.
For that reason, I am all about self-care!
I do what I need to do to ensure that I continue to love my work and that you continue to feel amazing during and after a session with me.
It's very important to me to love what I do!
As long as I respect my limitations and practice self care as needed, I truly don't get tired of the sexual aspects of my job.
On the contrary, this job keeps my horny juices flowing!
After all, we gotta use it or lose it. Right?
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